From The Measure of My Days by Florida Scott-Maxwell

4/21

270

From The Measure of My Days by Florida Scott-Maxwell

“Our accustomed shell cracks here, cracks theorem and that tiresomely rigid person we supposed to be ourselves stretches, expands, and with all inhibitions gone we realize that age is not failure, nor disgrace; through mortifying we did not invent it. Age forces us to deal with idleness, emptiness, and not being needed, not able to do, helplessness just ahead perhaps” (706).

Florida Scott-Maxwell lived a full life. We know this from her short description (703). I came into this passage hoping to hear about the more exciting times of her life: perhaps her time as an actress, her life in Scotland, or her experiences with her practice in Britain (703). The reader is quickly dispelled of these expectations and quickly learns that Florida is not writing to reflect on her early life but rather her current life. 

Scott-Maxwell is now old and frail, and death awaits her (703). These experiences with age and death are not often written about and I think her clarity on this topic surprises the reader. These experiences of doubt in the final days are not easily talked about and feared by many. Florida must now reflect on her life and see if she is happy with it (706). Did she make the most of it? Did she make a positive impact? If she could do it all again, what would she do differently? These questions are pointless because the past can never be changed, but everyone asks themselves this and blames themselves. 

Personally, I am fearful that a family member of mine may die soon. I sit with doubt and dread as Florida does and ask myself the same questions. Why didn’t I spend more time with them? What if I had done more? These are cruel questions that have no answer and only exist to torment people who care. It is so easy to be hard on yourself, and I hope I can be more positive and less fearful when I will think about the measure of my days.